American Election graduates record number of PhDs

Several universities are reporting startling increases in the number of PhDs. students they are graduating. This rise is tied to the American elections. Says Zark Muckerberg of Facebook University,”It’s just amazing to see these Facebook discussion threads produce doctorates like assembly lines.” Elena Dlimivotich was a case in point. Her 1103 comment long Facebook discussion, prompted by a Condescending Wonka meme, on the effect of Obamacare on the rights of pregnant mothers in the context of the Great Recession referencing the works of John Steinback earned her a doctorate in “Comparative Healthcare Studies in Literary Science”. Even more startling was Anitya Mandakanan’s doctorate in “Contemporary Applied Philosophy” derived entirely from assiduously reading, tweeting at and retweeting KimKierkegaard’s Tweets. Her advisory committee commented on the formidable fortress she built, 160 characters at at time.

Individual states seemed determined to distinguish themselves. California, for instance, which is asking it’s illustrious citizens to educate themselves on 1153523521 propositions to be put to vote on everything from whether P=NP to whether the Loch Ness monster exists. Facebook threads hundreds of posts long are said to have been spawned, with Californians writing entire thesises typing away on their keyboards late at night defending their pet propositions and haranguing opponents. Indeed, Grace Simpson, the leading scholar in post-modernist social media analysis, said that social media may indeed be the greatest invention in academic history, and may shockingly even prevent the gift most American kids get upon graduation, that of owing their lifetime earnings in debt. Niel Garth says,”Just yesterday I spent hours showing kids how to reference a paper. Today, they reference every fact, from official government databases, Politifact, you name it. I’ve stopped teaching now – I just let kids go wild on Facebook in class.”

This correspondent was contracted to write a third paragraph but instead was pulled away at the last moment to tweet at a friend the difference between classical liberalism and neo-liberalism and their effects on Obama’s views on Neo-Keynesian economic theory.

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