Scientists discover humans evolving longer arms for better selfies

Scientists from the University of Graben-Talus have discovered that we are evolving longer arms to take better selfies. The researchers used big data and machine learning to detect selfies from images on Twitter and Facebook, and measure arm lengths from the images. They report a p-value of 0.051, proving their results are statistically significant and real. Says Prof. Penitentes Tarn,”Our research is really about a novel way of using big data and social network data to get attention.” As of now, Buzzfeed, BoredPanda, and UpWorthy have posted 300 identical articles with different clickbait headlines to grab your eyeballs.

Continues Penitentes Tarn,”Having proved that correlation equals causation, we will now investigate the true cause. Such rapid evolution must be caused by gene-culture co-evolution.” The researchers will work with 23andMe, Twitter, and Facebook to dig’s through our personal genomic and social data. Using the private data, they’ll uncover the correlation causal relation between genes, culture, and selfies. The researchers will train “neural networks” to produce the right conclusions, irrespective of input data. Says researcher Bergschrund Cornice,”That’s what I love about neural networks. They can torture a conclusion out of any data you give them!”

Peer reviewer Moraine Nunatak said,”I think their research really shows how epigenetics and gene-culture co-evolution are accelerating human evolution. Who knows how long our arms can get given the social competition for better selfies!”

EDIT: We just received news that teenagers all over the world are inspired by this research to spend long hours hanging by their arms for better selfies. It’s truly wonderful how the Internet disseminates popular science for the enlightenment and betterment of all.

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